Here is the deal. I liked you so much I was almost in love with you. The conversations we had were unreal and unlike any I had ever had. For the first time in my life I could actually see myself dating someone, and that someone was you. I loved your eyes and your smile. When you smile something inside me cries because its so goddamn beautiful. The way you fixed your hair with your rough hands made me want to cry. You didn't have any clue. For 3 months, I was fixated on you. I looked forward to talking to you every day. 3000 messages in 3 weeks. When you told me you still loved her, I put aside my feelings to help you. One day I mustered up the courage to say that "I used to like you". It was a lie, but I wanted to see where it would get me. You said, "Well I'm glad we are friends."
O H
So after conversations at 3 am about our deepest fears for 3 months you want to tell me that you think of me as a friend. Okay.
I can't believe I almost loved you.
You say you are still in love with her and there is no one else for you. You need time to move on. I accept this and try to suppress my feelings.
2 fucking weeks later you have a new girlfriend. She's a blond twig with the personality of a dead fish. But at least she doesn't care about anything. Thats trendy now right?
Your apathy towards everything irritates me.
I can't believe I almost loved you.
I poured my soul into the things I wrote you. I told you my secrets, and it hurts to know I can't get them back. I saw us together, and you saw us......no, you didn't see us. You never gave me a fucking chance. I could make you so happy. I could be your rock. But I already am. It's like we have a relationship without the benefits. Well I'm done.
Being friends with you is torture. Everyday when I give you a ride to school, I can't even look at you. I'm disgusted by your face. But I love it. Your sweaters are stupid. But I love them. You sing off key to the radio. But I love it.
I can't believe I almost loved you.
You're immature. I should've listened to my friends. I'm a fucking idiot for believing you were different. I hope that someday you look back and wonder what happened to me. And when you message me because you have no one, and you think "Why didn't we date?", I will ignore you. You don't like me....big fucking deal. I'll never show you how I really feel. These feelings are private. And you don't deserve to know them.
I can't believe I almost loved you.
I'm trying to move on, but you think everything is a-okay. I try to keep my distance but you think we're the best of friends. Believe it or not, I do not want to hear about your 14 year old girlfriend's plan to get a cool tattoo. Leave me be.
I can't believe I almost loved you.
So here's to another failed attempt to fill the gaping whole in my heart. Serves me right for trusting someone.
If history repeats itself, it will take me about 6 months to get over you. That's 9 months I can't get back. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
I can't believe I thought that maybe, deep down, you loved me too.
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